Wisdom Calls for a Shift

I’ve seen dozens of my friends get married in the past years, and I’ve subconsciously discovered something that I would consciously like to share with you now.

When one of my friends is about to get married, I’ve discovered that wisdom calls for a shift. If in the past, the groom was more of a closer friend to me than the bride, things naturally shift for me because now the bride will be my friend more than the groom. Even if I don’t know her that well or if we’re not that close, even if both the bride and the groom are my friends, wisdom calls for a shift.

Seeing my friends get married is always a privilege, and I love being part of their journey—whether it’s through a bridal shower, a developing friendship, or their experiences after the wedding, but as a single woman who has married friends, I have to be careful to protect my friends’ marriages and know my place in any friendship.

Through the course of their engagement and of course during their married life, my primary contact with the bride and groom becomes the bride, my primary friend is the bride, and my confidante (if I need to choose between the two of them) is the bride. It’s not that I’ll never talk to the groom, but there’s just a natural and appropriate shift that allows the bride and groom to flourish among themselves and allows me to enjoy my growing friendship with the bride. And that’s just right.

Marriage seems challenging as it is—and there’s no reason for anyone else to unintentionally stick her foot in the door. I’ve gained many new friends who became the brides of good friends, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know each one of them. I’ve also met the wives of the men I’ve had to work with, and when anything personal comes up, I’ve learned to talk to the wives, not the men.

If wisdom calls for a shift, let’s shift with it, celebrating the life and blessings God has given us, and honoring Him with what we do and who we are.

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise . . . - Ephesians 5:15